The zombie apocalypse is no laughing matter. It is not a story, a hoax, nor a figment of the imagination. It is real and it is coming. It is only a matter of time. Below are a few examples of zombies throughout our written history as well as some tips and tricks about how to deal with them.
P.S. The government does not want you to know about any of these!!!
- Zombies are everywhere (mostly in underdeveloped countries), but the government pays U.S. newspapers, book publishers, magazine editors, and other print and visual media sources a yearly stipend to wipe these stories from the public view.
- Zombies retain some of their human traits upon turning. Some zombies have been reported as being able to consciously turn on lights, open doors, smile, and even wave their hands in greeting. This is why many people fall victim to loved ones overcome by the zombie virus.
- People can carry the zombie virus for weeks and even months at a time without showing symptoms.
- While the zombie virus does not manifest symptoms in animal hosts, they can still spread the virus through physical contact with saliva and excrement.
- Pregnant women are immune to the effects of the zombie virus.
- The Miami face-eating attack wasn’t caused by the drug “bath salts.” There were no drugs found in the body of the man reported to have attacked and eaten a homeless man’s face off. Friends and family of the man reported him of sane mind and even temper. It wasn’t drugs or an aggressive personality; it was the zombie virus.
- The CDC has been trying to synthesize a zombie virus vaccine since the 70’s. No trials have been successful to date.
- The potent drug Krokodil is not actually a drug. It’s a failed attempt at vaccinating against the zombie virus which has been slowly spreading through Russia since 1952. The vaccine contains samples of the live virus that, when injected, cause the host’s skin to die and rot from their bones – the first stage of zombification.
- JFK wasn’t assassinated. Along the campaign trail, he shook hands with a foreign political leader who had been harboring the zombie virus without obvious symptoms. On November 21, JFK began exhibiting symptoms of turning. On November 22, he fell victim to the virus and, after trying to attack and bite his wife, was put down.
- Area 51 was never a top-secret research facility for extra-terrestrial life. It was designed as a bunker and safe house in the 40’s for the President and other government officials to hide out when the zombie virus overcomes the general population.
How?: This post was created with the use of an online tool called “Portent Title Generator.” The generator asked me to input a single word, in my case “zombie,” and it spat out an interesting title using that word. My title was “10 Secrets About Zombies the Goverment is Hiding.” From there, I popped open my blog and began to write 10 made-up facts about zombies and fake zombie encounters throughout history.
Why?: This week’s daily create was inspired by my love of zombies, my distaste for clickbait articles, and DS106’s assignment: Blog Post Title Generator… and write that post! Since my focal theme for this blog is zombies, I began by first using that word as my title generator word. The first listing that popped up was the perfect definition of clickbait, and I couldn’t resist writing a fake article about it. I am the first to admit that I cringe every time I read a clickbait title. I cringe even harder when that title gets me to click on its link and read the article. In my opinion, clickbait is the worst kind of time waster, and most of the time it is completely sensationalized. So, of course, I thought about what types of things a zombie clickbait artist might write about and concocted 10 extremely fake and useless bits of trivia to engage the person who clicked on my clickbait title.